The Big Switch Off

***This is a work of fiction and parody based on some real events. It is not real. Certain events, dialogue and characters were created for the purpose of fictionalization.***

It happened on the Fourth of July all across America. In my little New England town, it was a quintessential summer day – sunny and not too hot with a kiss of a breeze. The sky was a crisp shade of azure with no clouds. I woke up craving a cup of coffee not made at my house. Clad in my finest summer loungewear and sporting a serious case of bedhead, I drove to the local drive thru. Apparently, everyone else in my lake town had the same idea; the cars were backed up onto Main Street. I settled in to wait and zoned out to the melancholy sound of The Smiths.