Dear White Women,
This letter is to all of you, but mostly it’s to some of you. That’s because we’re all on different journeys.
Some of you can’t be reasoned with. In my executive coaching practice, I call people like you unwinnable. No matter how much reason or empathy you’re given, you can’t be won over. You’ll likely never cross over to the good side of humanity. Wasting brain and lung power on you is akin to banging our heads against a brick wall.
Of course, I’m speaking about the majority of White women, the 53 percent among us who voted for Donald Trump, a known rapist, felon, con-man, grifter and racist. Right now, you’re celebrating and feeling emboldened like obnoxious frat boys at a college football game. To you, this is all a game, a competition where the winner takes all. You intend for that winner to always be you. The smugness of your internalized misogyny and full-throated racism wafts off you like cloying, cheap perfume.
Some of you in the 53 percent aren’t so vocal. You’re hiding in plain sight, pretending to support women or be progressive or liberal – whatever branding makes you seem the most human from your twisted vantage point.
But when push came to shove, you went into the voting booth and voted for white supremacy. In doing that, you’re no different from all the other Jim Crow-era white women who have come before you. Your cowardice doesn’t make you clever. It makes you unimaginative, weak and predictable.
Both types of the White Woman majority are largely unwinnable. That means no more access to book clubs, workout groups or play dates. No more tolerating you at holiday gatherings — even when you’re family. No awarding of business or patronage. No more social media interaction. No more.
Want to support a hate-monger? Go hang out with the other hate-mongers. People like you can only find humanity when your own is directly threatened. Give it time. Until your humanity surfaces, if ever, you’ll get no quarter from me and mine.
The White women I’m addressing in this letter are the ones like me in the 47 percent. You understood the assignment and voted for the most qualified candidate for president.
Some of you campaigned hard for Kamala Harris. You phone-banked, raised money and did everything you could to convince people to vote for her. You’re feeling disappointed. You’re feeling like hard work doesn’t pay off and that good doesn’t always prevail over evil. You’re feeling hurt, like your energy was wasted and evil will always win.
Perhaps for the first time in your life, you’re seeing our country for what it is instead of the platitudes you’ve believed for your entire existence. America is no shining city on a hill. We’ve been in a deep, dirty ditch of imperialism and selfishness since our founding. The privilege that comes with our whiteness has insulated us from this cold, hard truth.
Understand that we’re only feeling a tiny sliver of what historically marginalized communities feel every day of their existence in this country. In no way do I take pleasure in any of us feeling this way. It’s brutal to be reminded that merit or character doesn’t beat racism, bigotry, ignorance and greed.
This brutality is everyday existence for so many people in America. These folks get stuffed in boxes not of their own making by people who look like us at every turn.
Think of the Black woman who is constantly villainized as angry at work. Or the Vietnamese-American woman who’s expected to keep her mouth shut, assimilate and embody the model-minority myth. Or the trans person who is constantly and intentionally misgendered with sneers and snickers.
Post-election, we White Women in the 47 percent have been stuffed in a box, and we don’t like it. Remember this feeling and use it to buoy your resolve. You’ll need that resolve for this next chapter of American life.
I’ve seen a lot of troubling things in the election’s aftermath. Foremost among them is the urge to blame and find scapegoats. Those scapegoats include people in the Latinx, Asian-American and Arab-American communities. It’s flat-out wrong.
Incredibly, I’ve seen people in our ranks blame Black Americans. I say incredibly because Black Americans overwhelmingly voted for Kamala Harris. Ninety-one percent of Black women voted for her. Get 91 percent of White Women to show up for anything or anyone, and then you can run your mouth. Until then, know that Black women are unimpeachable when it comes to doing the right thing for America. The rights we so nonchalantly enjoy were obtained at their largesse.
Right now, Black women are exhausted. It’s not a new feeling for them. Close your mouth and listen intently to what they have to say. Hang on their every word, as they’re giving you a precious gift.
Also understand that a lot of Black women are done. This election was the proverbial last straw for many. Do not seek them out for a shoulder to cry on or education and insight. That’s not their job and it never has been, contrary to popular belief.
I’m also done with the pundits who want to exhaustively analyze the well-known foibles of the Democratic Party or the shortcomings of the Harris campaign’s strategy. To those ardent man- and woman-splainers, I say pipe down.
You’re talking about the color of the house when the entire structure is BURNING. Kamala Harris lost to an less qualified white man with zero integrity because she is a Black woman. In racist America, this is nothing new, but it’s still gut-wrenching to the people who live it and pay attention.
Period. End of story.
The people we need to rely on and hold accountable are other White Women who are on a similar journey of anti-racism, solidarity and humanitarianism. That journey is the only path to shaping the America we want.
I know the words anti-racism and solidarity likely make you uncomfortable if not downright scared. I felt the same way when I started this journey, and every now and then I still feel uncomfortable and scared. The trick is to sit in the discomfort and walk beside the fear while throwing the notion of perfectionism away. That’s how we grow.
Accept that all of us are racists. Right now, you’re probably pearl clutching. “Me? A racist? I voted blue and have a co-exist sticker on my hybrid! I’m married to a person of color and have biracial kids. I donate to the NAACP.”
All of that doesn’t negate the fact that we white people have been indoctrinated by a system of white supremacy. We live in that system and directly benefit from it, whether we realize it or not. We uphold it in myriad of ways.
From staying “neutral” when we witness discrimination to spending our money with companies that harm people in the global majority and other historically marginalized communities, we participate in and sustain this system of whiteness and its accomplices patriarchy and unchecked capitalism.
It’s the same system that elected Donald Trump. It’s the same system those 53 percent of White Women voted for. They didn’t vote for a better economy, cheaper gas or more affordable groceries. They voted for whiteness to continue ruling the day. They voted for the spoils of whiteness to keep accruing to them and only them.
The counterbalance to that is committing to a life of anti-racism. That means pledging to take on racism and bigotry wherever we find it, especially in ourselves. It means educating ourselves, reflecting and self-interrogating. It means using our white skin and the privilege that comes with it to lift others up and call others in – or out if the situation dictates it.
No more sitting on the sidelines, saying we did the best we could. No more staying neutral. As Desmond Tutu said, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”
Now, let’s talk about solidarity. For many of you, you think of (gasp) communism or socialism when you read that word. That’s what this system and its overlords want us to think.
As Americans in this white supremacist system, we’ve been indoctrinated to believe in rugged individualism. That’s the same ethos that allowed us to slaughter the indigenous population here so we could steal their sacred land and live out our fantasies of white exceptionalism.
For most of my life, I believed deeply in being a lone wolf. That’s how I lived my life. Once I started my own anti-racist journey and started unraveling my own indoctrination, I learned that lone wolves are destined to die quickly and alone.
The only way we make it is together. The only way we create the country we want is together. That’s solidarity.
It requires us to organize and become activists. I know, more scary words. We will have to learn new skills and new ways of being as part of a collective. We will have to learn to manage our emotions so we can be in community with other people and work towards a common goal. This work is not for wimps – although the other side would have you believe it is.
On the contrary, it requires fortitude, focus and tamping down our white egos. Do not underestimate the power of the white ego and how it holds each of us back.
Now, let’s talk about these blue bracelets. The great intersectional feminist and poet Audre Lord once wrote:
“For the master’s tool will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master’s house as their only source of support.”
As soon as I heard about this blue bracelet initiative, I thought of this particular quote. Think about it: we white women feel hurt that the election didn’t turn out as we hoped. We want to show people in the global majority and other historically marginalized communities that we’re “one of the good ones.” So, we go directly to the most performative, materialistic and easy way of signifying that.
Performative, materialistic and easy are the tools of this system of white supremacy, patriarchy and capitalism. They do nothing to dismantle the master’s gaudy mansion. As such, blue bracelets are a tool out of the master’s toolbox. Walk away from that rusty, old toolbox. There’s nothing useful in it for us.
There are no gold stars for a commitment to anti-racism and anti-bigotry. No blue ribbons, trinkets or trophies will be handed out. The reward is peace, justice and human rights for all. The reward is a soul that’s intact and not for sale.
And make no mistake: it will take a lot more than a blue bracelet or voting in one election for Black and other women in the global majority to trust us. For now, a blue bracelet just says you’re a poser, an amateur who’s in it for all the wrong reasons.
Instead of focusing on the performative, let your actions speak for who you are.
Become an activist. Join groups of likeminded women who are doing the work. There are lots of us organized around issues such as reproductive rights, incarceration, ending war, trans healthcare, Palestine, domestic violence, helping the unhoused and feeding people. All of these things urgently need our support.
Likewise, instead of spending your hard-earned dollars on performative junk and material things to numb yourself, give it as mutual aid to people in the global majority and other communities likely to be targeted in the new regime. Many of these folks have valuable expertise to share and you can support them financially while learning for your next chapter.
A few examples…
Improve your understanding of the work of being an anti-racist accomplice. You can enroll in Erin Corine Johnson’s Dear White Women: How To Do Better Now, Not Later accomplice accelerator webinar series November 21-23rd. I’m already enrolled and looking forward to learning.
Michele Price (Verbal Vortexes on Substack) is an indigenous woman who’s a transformational leadership and communications advisor. She’s running a 5-Week Decision-Making Quest that starts this month. It will help you harness your emotions as valuable data to make decisions in an increasingly challenging and uncertain world. The way Michele blends indigenous principles into her teaching is remarkable and a good way to start building your new toolbox to dismantle this harmful system. You can enroll here.
Finally, Robin Divine’s Poverty Sucks Substack has an instructional piece on what mutual aid is and how to practice it. Read it and subscribe to her Substack to start your mutual aid journey. If you can afford it, become a founding member.
These are just a few opportunities to get you started on your journey.
If you really want to stick it to the man (and those 53 percent of White Women), buy nothing on Black Friday or for the holidays – except for goods and services from Black and other businesses owned by people in the global majority and those in other at-risk communities. Purchase this Black Business Guide from Robin Divine, Volumes I, II and III.
Wouldn’t it be a feat if Amazon, Walmart, Target and all the other billionaire money-making machines tanked for the holidays? There’s power in our collective dollars. Let’s use that to show our strength.
Finally, understand that we’re talking about dismantling a malignant system. That system has been rigged from the beginning. If you don’t believe me, start studying history – not the whitewashed history we learned in school but actual history. It’s the most subversive thing you can do. The Throughline podcast on NPR is a good place start to your education. So is my anti-racism reading list.
Dismantling this system will take time, and the odds are stacked against us. We may not see it in our lifetimes. Yet, what’s the alternative? I’m not about to give into bullies. As Emma Lazarus said, “None of us are free until all of us are free.”
This election feels fatal now. In context, it’s just a blip in time. Voting in a critical election is the bare minimum. Just because we White women en masse weren’t doing the hard work of advocacy and activism doesn’t mean it hasn’t been happening. Others have been toiling and sacrificing for centuries. Now, it’s our turn.
In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.”
We are the force that will bend that long arc. Will you join me?
In solidarity,
Denise ✊🏼❤️
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